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| "My feet stick to the floor!" – Mary Lee ... What to say? |
| "How do you rewind this?!" – Mary Lee ... She was done watching the DVD... |
| "He bit me! Does he bite?" – Abby ... Abby, asking her own answer. |
| "Do you have any bolts you don't need?" – Tori ... She doesn't need much. |
| "To increase resistance, select more resistance." – Gym equipment instructions (thanks to Jerry Baker) |
| "Did you see the Constipation yet?" – Laine, Jerry's 7-year-old ... She was asking him if he'd checked out the U.S.S. Constitution while he was in Boston. |
| "Laine, would you lower your voice a few inches?" – Emily, Jerry's 5-year-old ... Trying to emulate her mother's familiar request to "lower their voice about two octaves." |
| "That stuff's got some stuff in it." – Tori ... Explaining why a certain bottle of aloe was no good for her sunburn. |
| "Me either." – Ian ... A 12-year-old responding to his mom saying that she's not played Risk in probably 15 years. It's a math word problem. |
| "Prevents Disc Break Squealing" – A package of disc brake caliper lube |
| "Thunderstorms are likely Monday night, with a 60 percent chance for rain and locally heavy rail." – Lawrence Journal World's web site's weather prediction on the morning of Monday, June 4, 2001 |
| "David Jamison, 28, confessed to killing Amy Watkins, 26, in writing and on videotape to police the day he was arrested." – Lawrence Journal World on May 9, 2001. ... I don't know what the hell they're driving at. I mean, he killed her with some form of writing instrument while either he or she was standing on a videotape or something... Or he videotaped the killing? And he did that all in the same day he was arrested. |
| "The Palm Pilot is no longer aloud at school!!!" – Mrs. Valencia, sixth grade teacher Wakarusa ... She either cannot spell or is complaining about the speaker on the Palm Pilot malfunctioning. |
| "Nothing says 'spring' like the smell and taste of people barbecuing." – Radio Commercial (thanks to Sarah Cunningham) |
| "All I need is a damn straight." – Mary Lee ... Playing Yahtzee. |
| "It'd be like a cremated banana shake." – Ian ... Confusing death and dessert. |
| "Don't throw that. I bought it. It's food." – Mary Lee |
| "Who knows how long you'll live? Who knows how you'll die?" – Pravachol commercial ... How upbeat is that?! |
| "Doctors denounce diarrhea diet: Kids don't get enough nutrition in restricted menu" – The Kansas City Star, Saturday, April 21, 2001, page E1 ... Yuck! |
| "...with so many parents with preschoolers working today..." – NBC Evening News, Thursday April 19, 2001 |
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