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| "Hi Jessica, it's me, Tori. My mom's going to have a baby in May. See ya later." – Tori ... On her aunt Karen's answering machine when she was going to 'break the news' to her cousin Jessica. |
| "What is this? Is this a mouse?" – Bret Lucas ... This alleged "web master" discovering a coffee cup warmer on someone's desk. Seemed to be a pretty common misperception among people of his (in)abilities. |
| "This is neat. Is it a mouse?" – Ted Freeman ... Discovering a coffee cup warmer on someone's desk and pushing it around. Good thing (?) it wasn't turned on when he grabbed it. |
| "Not only less, but fewer." – Denise, CNM ... Talking about the mother's cigarette smoking's effect on the baby's cells. |
| "Can you do [some technique or another] with C++? And, if so, why not?" – Some moron on a C++ mailing list ... I don't know how to code that string of logic. Because I've never had to. |
| "Chinese language is the one that runs up and smacks us in the heads." – Larry Cook ... On why wide characters were added to the C++ language in 1994. |
| "You are closing the Office Shortcut Bar. The Office Shortcut Bar will start again automatically when you start Windows. Do you want the Office Shortcut Bar to start automatically when you start Windows?" – Microsoft Office application message box ... Leave it to morons in Bellevue to obfuscate the utterly elementary. |
| "Probably not a good idea to try to do it that way." – Ted Freeman ... After asking if something was possible... and hearing that it wasn't. |
| "Free, cheap and easy." – Ted Freeman ... Perhaps marketing is his true calling? |
| "Happy Thanksgiving!" – Ted Freeman ... During a conference call, he said this to a group of Canadians. It was our Thanksgiving, not theirs. But I don't think Ted realized there was a difference. |
| "Why my chair so short?!" – Asian Guy in an Oracle class ... Someone had swapped chairs with him, and when we returned from lunch, this sudden "change" in the altitude of his chair quite alarmed him. Too funny. Jeremy and I still laugh about this. |
| "Is there thinking going on as I say this?" – Lance Dreschler ... Said this to a class of OmniMark students. |
| "Right out the back door, they had a man-made pool!" – Drunk Texan in a Seattle bar ... A friend of George Bush's, no doubt. |
| "This chick could crush a can in her ass!" – Drunk Texan in a Seattle bar ... Describing this "awesome" stripper he saw in a strip club in Portland. |
| "I saw the Challenger [space shuttle] riding on top of a 747 two days after it blew up. It was going 17,000 miles an hour and I waved to the pilot." – Drunk Texan in a Seattle bar |
| "I'm not very good at golf, but I would be if I wanted to be; I'd be a Mexican Tiger Woods!" – Drunk Texan in a Seattle bar |
| "...to keep things track of." – Victoria Whitlock ... This was said by the instructor of an Oracle class. She was showing that Oracle wasn't the only thing of which she had only a tenuous grasp. |
| "You can kiss my ass up where it's good and pink." – Scott Eberstein's Grandma |
| "What are French fries?" – Abby ... Suffering a temporary cranial brown-out. |
| "How the hell do you get into this fucking hell-hole?!" – Abby ... Showing the utmost class while looking for the door to get into a restaurant we'd chosen to patronize for Dad's birthday. |
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